


In the Moment

by thewriterinpink



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Established Relationship, M/M, also by complete accident he gives a gay speech in this, kyle is a good boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-05 05:05:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12183444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewriterinpink/pseuds/thewriterinpink
Summary: Eric worries that his relationship with Kyle won't last forever. Kyle helps him see it can.





	In the Moment

**Author's Note:**

> You ever leave a fandom for a few years then come back and suddenly really love an old OTP? 'Cause that's what's happening to me. I needed to write for them. Hope you like it! ^^

The ceiling fan spins steadily, a constant whirring sound echoing in the decently sized room. The sound of pages turning and a pencil scratching can be heard as well. Eric takes a huge breath in and holds it, cheeks puffing as he lets the small sounds of the room slowly drive him insane.

 

Eventually, his need for air surfaces and he's forced to let go, breathing in and closing his eyes from the sight of the fan turning and turning and turning.

 

The sounds get louder without sight. The chair squeaks when the body in it moves. Breathing is taxing, but he does it because he has to. There's words swimming in his brain, clogging up in there and needing some sort of release, but every time Eric thinks to open his mouth, they vanish, like a phantom. He can't grasp them, can't find the right words to say to the person he's never quite understood how to talk to in the first place.

 

Eric's shit with words, shit with being vulnerable, but he knows he's been feeling vulnerable since they've started this thing, maybe even long before that when he finally admitted to these feelings that seemed to almost always be apart of him, hiding deep inside like a parasite. It suffocates him sometimes, how much he cares and wants this to work, how much he knows it probably won't. He's him and there's so much things wrong with him. There's no way this will last. He'll fuck it up somehow, like he always does, he just doesn't know how he will let.

 

But God fucking dammit, he want's this to work so badly. It fucking keeps him up at night, tossing and turning, obsession and paranoia making his throat close up, making him claw at his own skin. No matter how he looks at this, the end seems to be the same. Failure. Abandonment. Heartache.

 

It makes him almost want to bail first, just so Kyle can't hurt him, can't feel disappointed when he realizes Eric hasn't changed, that he'll always be that same useless tone deaf asshole he used to hate.

 

He can't. This is the one great thing he has in the world and the fear of losing it is what's making these thoughts happen in the first place. Him leaving would be pointless at this point. He needed to work through this; he couldn't run away like he always did when things got too tough to handle.

 

That is why these words are here, wanting to get out, to voice his concerns to Kyle so maybe, just maybe, these thoughts would go away. Kyle had taught him that talking things out helped way more than bottling it all up and suffering in silence, but it's hard. Really hard. He doesn't think he can do it.

 

His thoughts are interrupted by Kyle turning in his seat, studying Eric plainly. Eric freezes under that gaze, feeling like he usually did under it, like Kyle can see everything just by looking at him.

 

“Eric, you didn't get your English homework done yet, did you? You really should be doing that instead of laying on my bed.”

 

Eric stares at him. Something in his chest constricts. He suddenly feels like such a fucking idiot, like _of course_ Kyle doesn't want him here when he's studying, when he's busy. What is he even doing here, laying on Kyle's bed and panicking like Kyle is about to break up with him any moment? They've only been dating for a few months and already he can't take the heat. Some of his friends have been dating for years!

 

Though, the longer you dated someone, the more confident you became in its longevity. Eric can't be blamed for having these feelings, can he? Especially with the type of person he knows he is.

 

Taking a deep breath to steady the tide in him, Eric sits up. He shakes his head and tries to smile, but he knows it comes up short.

 

“Nahhh, I can do that later. It's not due till the end of the week, Kahl. I have time.”

 

Kyle doesn't look convinced.

 

“Yeah, but if you get it done early we can go out next week. Didn't you say you wanted to go to that bull show they're hosting in a few days? We can go together; just the two of us. How's that sound, Fatass?” Kyle's smirk is playful as he says that last word, something that's been so ingrained into their usual speaking patterns that it hadn't disappeared when they started dating. Eric secretly likes to think of it as their thing, separate from the rest of the world's understanding. It's not normal to call your significant other such an awful name on the daily, but it is normal for them.

 

Eric perks up at the suggestion, already thinking of the fun another date with Kyle can be. It even lightens his mood, quiets the voices spitting venom in his ears. His smile grows and becomes much more genuine.

 

“Yeah, babe, that would be kickass! Jew, you have no idea how badly I want to watch someone get beat up by a bull while I sit right next to you, enjoying both the show _and_ your company. I hope there's a lot of carnage, those are the best shows!”

 

Kyle's gaze falls away and he looks like he's trying to comprehend something, but he sighs, smile exasperated.

 

“You're going to be really disappointed when that doesn't happen. I'm going to have to take you to an ice cream shop later just to shut you up.”

 

Instead of feeling insulted, Eric lights up even more.

 

“Hell yeah, fucking sweet. You're like the greatest boyfriend I've ever had, Kahl.”

 

Kyle rolls his eyes, amused.

 

“Eric, I'm the only boyfriend you've ever had and if I have it my way it'll stay that way.”

 

Eric freezes, eyes widening. All his thoughts come to a screeching stop, all his worries coming to the surface only to be extinguished by those perfect words. The words he'd been trying to get out of Kyle, but had been too chicken to attempt. Kyle had said it without any fucking prompting at all. Eric actually considers pinching himself just to make sure he hadn't fallen asleep on Kyle's bed.

 

Ouch. Nope, this is real. Kyle really had just said that. He really want's him forever. Eric can scarcely believe it.

 

“Remember though, I won't go with you unless you... Eric, are you alright?”

 

Eric must have shown all that he is feeling on his face because now Kyle is looking at him in deep concern, ginger brows furrowed over soft green eyes. It's a look Eric enjoys seeing when directed at himself 'cause it tells him how much Kyle really cares about him. Kyle loves him. Eric feels like he's just now grasping this as a concept.

 

Eric fumbles with himself, trying desperately to get across what is ailing him, but finds himself coming up short again. Frustration blossoms inside of him as well as self hate. Can he really not say it? Is he really that dumb that he can't say a few simple words to his loving boyfriend? God, he is truly pathetic. What a fucking pussy.

 

Eric's pity party is cut short when hands land on his shoulders, firm grip a familiar comfort. Eric slowly looks up into that face he knows so well and loves with as much passion as he is capable of possessing. Which is never enough, never fucking enough.

 

“Eric, stop, you're panicking. Just take your time. I'll be listening when you're ready.”

 

Eric heeds those words and allows himself to breathe, staring up at Kyle standing in front of him. He feels stupid for needing time, but appreciates Kyle more than ever in this moment. Kyle seems always so calm and level headed compared to the hectic march in Eric's own brain, a never ending vomit of half worded thoughts that never seemed to make any sense and a deep routed paranoia brought on by the circumstances of his youth. He can never understand his thoughts, let alone his emotions, but he thinks Kyle can, if he tells him.

 

It comes out before Eric even realizes he's going to say it.

 

“Do you really think we'll be together forever, Kahl? Is that really something... you want? Is it even possible?”

 

Kyle's mouth opens in a small 'o' and understanding surfaces. He looks at Eric with a tenderness Eric feels he doesn't deserve. His thumbs rub circles into Eric's shoulders.

 

“Is this what has been bothering you lately? I've noticed you've been a lot quieter the past few days from the usual noise. I can't get you to shut up most of the time.”

 

Eric flinches and tries to look away, but Kyle's next words bring his gaze back against his own will.

 

“I love your voice. With you lost in your head I haven't heard it as much as I'd like to. Now I know why. Eric, of course I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It's not even a question.”

 

“It... It's not?”

 

Kyle shakes his head.

 

“No. Ever since we've started dating we've both been a lot happier than we've ever been apart. Why would I not want to hold something that makes me feel so happy forever?”

 

“Well,” Eric says, “That feeling could die and then you'll leave to find that feeling again. It happens all the time, Kahl.”

 

Kyle frowns. Then he sighs and looks away, somewhere over Eric's left shoulder.

 

“Look, Fatass, I, I can't guarantee that this will work out for the long haul, but that doesn't mean I don't think it can. It's just, well, I can't see the future and neither can you and that's a good thing! If we knew what would happen we'd quit because relationships _aren't_ easy. All relationships have their ups and downs and you can't escape it. The ones who stay together aren't the ones who's relationship has no bumps, it's the ones who stick together and work their kinks out. The ones who don't turn away from each other when the going gets tough, and between you and me, I don't think either of us are the type to back down from something when the whole world thinks we'll fail. I guess what I'm trying to say is,” --Kyle looks at him and smiles one of those beautiful smiles Eric adores-- “I think we'll be just fine.”

 

Eric absorbs Kyle's speech, letting it sink into the recesses of his mind. A part of him revolts, upset that he can't get a clean answer for his future, can't be certain like he want's to be. But a larger part of him understands Kyle's reasoning and knows he's right. There's nothing they can do or say now to make their relationship eternal, but maybe if he works hard when things do fall apart, he can really get his wish. As long as they want to stay, they'll stay.

 

Kyle grabs his chin and kisses him. He pulls away, smile still present.

 

“Live in the moment, Eric. You can't figure something out that hasn't happened yet.”

 

Eric lets out a breath. His mind quiets, if only for now. He knows all his insecurities haven't vanished after a few chose words, but he feels like he can start to change these thoughts somehow. With Kyle's help, maybe he'll finally gain some confidence and stop worrying so hard.

 

“Hey, Kahl...” Eric says after a small comfortable silence has enveloped the room.

 

Kyle hums, stroking Eric's face gently.

 

Eric smirks slyly, leaning further into Kyle's space.

 

“Do my homework for me, please~”

 

Kyle pauses. Then he pushes Eric hard, making him fall back onto the soft covers of Kyle's bed.

 

“No! Do your own homework, Fatass! I'm not taking you anywhere unless you're the one who actually does it! Don't trick anyone else into doing it either!”

 

“Aw, but Kaaaahhhhl.”

 

“God dammit, I said no!”

 


End file.
